i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
