Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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