put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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