That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
