cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
