his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
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I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
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I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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