you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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