I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
