if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
