i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
