You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
