Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize