Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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