Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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