My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
