Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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