Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I can text with my tongue
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
