So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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