what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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