Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
