I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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