and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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