so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
