i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just cut my nipple shaving
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
