Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
