Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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