btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
