i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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