Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
