so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
