did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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