i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
