I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She's JV to your varsity
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
