I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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