So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
sick fucks of a feather flock together
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize