I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The power of my boobs compel you
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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