My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
