I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
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as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
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I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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