babies were throwing up all over the place
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
