You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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