finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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