New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
