i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
