things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I think I am morally bankrupt
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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