I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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