grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
