don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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