You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
