Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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