How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
