You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
