Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
