Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
