Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
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Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
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I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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