Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
