You made me cry and you don't even care
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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