and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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