If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
