I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
that's an acceptable place to lick
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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