So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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