I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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