the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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